


Would you like some tea?

by TerraRising



Series: Eggscellent Antics [1]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Eggsy is a Little Shit, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Gen, Harry's gentlemanly senses are offended, Hartwin, I REGRET NOTHING, M/M, Roxy is fed-up, Roxy is reluctantly amused, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-23 05:08:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3755590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TerraRising/pseuds/TerraRising
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is an impossible person to shop for. Roxy tries to help. Eggsy gets ideas. Oh dear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Would you like some tea?

**Author's Note:**

> I know I was supposed to work on a sequel for "You Were In My Dreams (for twenty years)" but this one was fighting to be done first.

“I can’t believe we’re on a mission right now.”

 

Roxy rolled her eyes, well used to Eggsy’s unnecessary dramatics.

 

“I’m missing it. I can’t believe they’d send me away now of all times. Without him!”

 

Then again.

 

“Rox, I feel horrible, I can’t believe I have to miss it. I feel like I’ve been shot. Hell, I’d rather be shot.”

 

He’d been going on and on about _it_ for the past two hours of their flight.

 

“Eggsy,” she called out, sugar sweet to everyone who didn’t know well enough to hear the steel beneath that particular smile.

 

“Yea?”

 

“Shut the bloody hell up. I don’t want to hear about it again for the next three hours, at least, you hear me?”

 

“But Rox, it’s his birthday! I can’t believe they’re making me miss his birthday!”

 

She rolled her eyes, “Just make it up to him, he probably doesn’t really celebrate anyways.”

 

“He doesn’t, that’s why I wanted to celebrate for him!”

 

“If you don’t stop whining, I’m going to send you back to Harry in a box. We’ll go pick out something nice for him after the mission, alright? Now shut up and _focus_ , if we’re in and out fast enough, maybe you’ll make it back for the last hour of the day or somethin’.”

 

Eggsy sat up so suddenly that he almost smashed his face into her’s with the way he had been sprawling across the seats of the jet, legs thrown casually over her lap. “Rox, you’re brilliant. What would I do without you?”

 

“Be the pathetic, whining child that you are being now. Honestly, how does Harry put up with you for all hours of the day, I will never know.”

 

Eggsy grumbled for a bit longer but thankfully, for the good of Roxy’s continued sanity and good health, he was distracted by new intel on the mission that Merlin patched through to their tablets. Roxy was also pretty sure he had muted Eggsy’s communication device so he didn’t have to sit through Eggsy’s moping and moaning. Lucky bastard.

 

The fact that her arbitrary promise of taking Eggsy shopping for a present after the mission pushed him to focus single-mindedly on getting them in and out as quickly as possible had her tucking away a small smile. For all that he could be obnoxiously annoying at time, Eggsy could be professional when it was called for. And that boy was so in-love with Harry, ahem _Arthur_ , that it was nauseatingly cute. If only they would get their shit together and spare her Eggsy’s constant insecurities.

 

The mission itself was simple enough; it was mostly reconnaissance, acting on intel that one of their sources had passed on. They were being sent into territory that was technically under the jurisdiction of another agency they were on amiable terms with, as Merlin had explained, and were only going to gather more information before handing it over to them as a show of good faith as their agencies had a long history of collaboration. The Queensguard, founded in the early nineteen hundreds and based in Canada.

 

Idly, Roxy wonders what the rest of the world would think if they realized that one of the countries stereotyped to house the ‘nicest and more polite’ people also housed a secret, elite force that could stab you while smiling and giving you a sincere apology for having to do so. She snorted internally; either way, she liked the idea that a woman had founded the Queensguard and had a much more even male to female ratio for their agents than Kingsman does. If there was a chance, she would love to talk to them more about it all.

 

They had infiltrated the party of a corporation suspected of illegal arms deals under the cover of being children of important businessmen who were _interested_ in investing in the deals. Eggsy had easily drawn the attention of the guards, causing yet another interesting commotion, while Roxy slipped away to plug Merlin into their system. In and out in no more than an hour total and that was only to make their retreat seem less suspicious and keep up the plausibility of their covers. Even Merlin had been reluctantly impressed.

 

Which is how Roxy now found herself wandering the _third_ mall they had been to in an attempt to procure a present that Eggsy deemed suitable for Harry. Suits were ruled out. Watches were discarded. Ties and cufflinks deemed ‘too bland’. Everything she suggested was shot down for being not good enough or not interesting enough and Roxy was ready to pull Eggsy’s hair out and make him eat it in her frustration.

 

Looking around half-heartedly, she spotted a shop named ‘David’s Tea’ and honed onto it. “Eggsy, why don’t we try that shop?” she gestured, half dragging Eggsy in the direction of the tea shop before he could agree, “Didn’t you say that Harry was running low on some blends he liked? Maybe you can find something new for him to try there.”

 

Or something. Really she could care less at this point and Eggsy could probably buy Harry toilet paper and the man would still smile indulgently and say he loved it.

 

Eggsy flitted from one shelf to another rack, and then a basket, ignoring all the sales associates trying to be helpful before stopping dead in front of a display.

 

He turned around slowly, a shit-eating grin spread so wide across his face that Roxy was almost worried something was about to explode (because Eggsy’s face only ever looked like that when he was up to no good which usually involved explosions and breaking speed limits). “Roxy, you’re right. This is good. This is _perfect_.”

 

She looked at the shelf and failed to smother a grin. Oh what had she done? Hopefully Harry would forgive her.

 

* * *

 

  
Harry opened the door to find Eggsy fidgeting on his doorstep, a shy smile on his face. “Hi,” he breathed, jittery for some unknown reason.

 

Harry stepped aside, having been warned by Merlin earlier that ‘that boy of his’ was back and on his way, “Eggsy, please, come in. What are you doing here at this hour?”

 

Eggsy shuffled in with a quiet ‘Pardon the intrusion’ and toed off his shoes carefully, bringing a small smile to Harry’s face that his lessons were finally starting to sink in. “Well,” Eggsy shifted nervously again, “I got you a little sum’fin,” he mumbled, accent bleeding through, “Happy birthday, Harry.”

 

He offered up a tastefully wrapped box and Harry accepted it graciously, “Thank you Eggsy, you didn’t have to.”

 

Eggsy offered up another one of those lovely smiles Harry refused to admit he was addicted to, “It’s s’okay, I wanted to. I’m sorry I missed your birthday.”

 

“There’s nothing to be sorry for Eggsy,” he assured his protégé quickly, “none at all. I hardly celebrate.”

 

“Well,” Eggsy coughed into his fist, eyes looking at him imploringly, “aren’t ya gonna open it?”

 

“Well, if you insist.”

 

Harry motioned for Eggsy to follow him further into the living room, settling onto the armchair and waiting for Eggsy to take a seat on the chair opposite of his before he gently undid the ribbon tied around the box, easing his finger underneath the tape and unfolding the wrapping paper.

 

An innocuous box in a pale mint-green embossed with ‘David’s Tea’ sat on his lap. “Lovely, I was running low of my usual blends, thank you Eggsy. What blend is this?”

 

Eggsy offered up a cheeky grin, “It’s written on the back, Harry. Why don’t cha take a look?”

 

Harry turned the box over obligingly, eyes running over the white script with only a little struggle in the firelight.

 

**Birthday Cake**

_Party like it’s your birthday!_

_What’s the best thing about birthdays? It could be the presents, or spending time with loved ones, but let’s be honest. It’s all about the cake. With vanilla icing, and lots of sprinkles. And this sweet and festive rooibos blend brings the taste of birthday cake to your cup any day of the year – sprinkles and all. Best of all, not only is it low in calories, it also has all the goodness of rooibos. Talk about having your cake and eating it too._

_Ingredients:_

_Red and green rooibos, honeybush, sprinkles, ice cream bits, natural and artificial flavoring*._  
_Contains milk, eggs and soy_

Harry stared at the box blankly. “Birthday cake,” he repeated dully.

 

Eggsy let out a giggle that slowly dissolved into a full-on unhinged laughing fit at the look of Harry’s immobile but utterly unimpressed face. He looked utterly offended by the rectangular box as he scrutinized the ingredients.

 

“Are there _sprinkles_ in this? _In tea?_ ”

 

Eggsy tried to gasp out an answer and failed utterly. He couldn’t wait until next year.

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when my bus gets stuck in traffic and my mind starts drifting. For some reason I was thinking about someone offering Harry tea, and then I remembered that David's Tea has one called 'Birthday Cake' and can you imagine Harry trying to drink tea and finds that someone thought it was perfectly okay to put sprinkles in it? So this happened.
> 
> For those who are unaware, yes this is actually a thing: https://www.davidstea.com/birthday-cake
> 
> I actually have a pack that I was given for Christmas; I haven't tried it yet.


End file.
